For the first time since the end of November, I’m not in the mood to write ANYTHING. I’m not blocked – there are ideas brewing – but I’m not in an actual writing mood.
So today was a blah day.
I worked on a loan, I baked oatmeal chocolate chip cookies (froze half the dough for use later), and took my dogs for an abbreviated walk because they were so bratty that it wasn’t fun for any of us.
I’m alternately too hot and too cold, and feel kind of dehydrated, even though I’ve had more than a gallon of water today, and am mid-way through yet another 16-ounce bottle of the stuff.
I’m in the mood to play in TNG’s fanfic sandbox. A fanfic writer whose work I really admire, wrote in a mailing list (a few years ago) that she didn’t see any way that even EmotionChip!Data could ever have a real romance, and suddenly I want to write a story that both a) gives a reason for the absence of his chip in Nemesis and b)addresses the issue in a non episode sort of way. I think it might BEGIN with someone divorcing him/ending a relationship because of it. Definitely AU…but something to play with, because writing fanfic is better than nothing at all, and it keeps the juices flowing.
But not tonight.
Tonight I’m not writing.
No, really, I’m not.
I am faded, baggy, v-neck sweatshirts over lacy tank tops, and comfortable sneakers. I am strong coffee, dark chocolate and red wine. I am bagels with cream cheese, and I am croissants with bitter dark marmalade. I am funky hats and dangly earrings and hair color subject to change without notice. I am pen and ink and 0’s and 1’s and words and music and rhythm. I am jazz and blues, old standards and folk music – music of conscious, they call it now – a cup of classical, a peck of pop and rock, a glimmer of gospel, and just enough country to make things interesting. I am purple and faded black and forest green, alternating with fiery orange and red. I am eggplant and tomatoes and garlic and olives. And I am also grilled cheese sandwiches and bowls of chili. I am the scent of damp earth, and I am the essence of freshly -cut flowers: irises, calla lilies, and sunflowers. I am books and quilts, cuddly dogs and mugs of tea. I am a little bit techie and a little bit traditional. I am good grammar, mostly, and proper table manners. I am coppery lip gloss and fuchsia toenails. I am dark eyes, and a light heart. I am a daughter, a friend, a lover, a woman, someone’s muse. I am the darkest hour of the night, and the first ray of morning sunshine. I walk in the moonlight and dance in the rain. I am shy in large groups, with bouts of situational extroversion. In my head I visit other worlds, but in my heart I am always home. I am funny, caustic, sarcastic, and snide. I tease with affection, not malice. I am water and fire. I love and I am loved, and I am both yearning and happy. I am verbal snapshots and mental images. But most of all, I’m just Melissa.