More than anything, I feel drained tonight. I’m not in a bad mood. I’m not grumpy or cranky or bitchy. I’m just tired.

All day long it felt like Sunday, just as yesterday felt like Saturday, Partly this is because I played at CSz on Thursday and Friday. If I’ve already been there twice in a week, it has to be Sunday, right? Even tonight, as I write this I’m checking the clock going, “Well, it IS Sunday.” And I mean, yeah, technically, it is – now – for like AN HOUR it has been. But that’s not what I meant. I don’t mean Universal Time Sunday, or Calendar Sunday, I mean FISCAL Sunday.

I slept a lot today. Til noon, almost. I needed the rest. Needed to just veg. I woke up cold and thirsty. I made cocoa, and was still cold. I blasted the heat and took a hot shower even though hot water is bad for dyed hair – I was too cold to wash my hair in tepid water, as I usually do. It wasn’t even particularly cold outside – 50-ish – cold for April, yeah, but not, you know, COLD.

Left early for CSz because by the time I was no longer cold, I’d flipped to hot, and was craving a Jamba Juice. Got to the arena around 6:30. Helped make the seating chart. Cleaned up a bit. Worked bar. I don’t like to talk about shows I’m not in, but tonight’s was a little…off. It wasn’t BAD, but it fell into that good-but-not-great category we’re trying to break out of. House was packed, and there were people shopping us for a remote, which they didn’t book. It’s easy to blow it off as “their loss,” but…there’s a part of me, the super-critical part that I try to stifle when it comes to everyone but myself…that was ticking the things that should have worked better or been tighter.

Also, I’m concerned about a fellow player. She seems drained and drawn in a way that isn’t just “really tired.”

I play again this Friday, and one of our players who’s been recovering from an injury for a while will be referee for the first time. I’m as excited about being on the same liners with him AT ALL, as I am about him being back. He’s always really nice to me, and he makes me smile just by being around.

And I’m babbling. Because I’m tired.
Sleep sounds awfully good just now.

Sometimes I fantasize about living in 1920’s Paris and hanging out with writers and artists, and never letting them know I’m really a geek from the future. It’s not much as secret identities go, but the notion amuses me.

Here’s the truth though, most days, I feel like I’m wearing a mask, that the real me is this tiny, insignificant, boring person, and I just pretend to be interesting or funny or cool. I can pretend to be outgoing, but mostly, I’m shy. I can fake being vivacious, but really I’m a quiet bookworm, and most days my tolerance for other people is pretty low. Well, for stupid people, anyway.

But then I have this other self, too. And if it sounds like I’ve got a case of MPD, I don’t, any more than any other writer or improv performer or other creative type of person. Just like I’m not clinically bipolar, though sometimes I feel that way, at least artistically.

But I digress.

Along with Shy Melissa there’s a part of me called Super Mel! (the exclamation point is obligatory, in this case.) Super Mel! has no fear, and dives into new situations without pausing to think about what the consequences might be. Oh, there’s an audition for CSz? Sure, why not? Oh, you’re going to write a novella in 35 days and submit it to a contest? Of course you are. Oh, you’re going to quit your job at BigFinancialCompany because it makes you cry? Go for it. Super Mel! is the part of me who knows – just knows intrinsically – that Everything Will Be Okay.

Shy Melissa sometimes doesn’t even want to be the person who orders pizza, but Super Mel! does the taxes in five minutes flat, and gets money back, despite being self-employed and not paying quarterly installments. Shy Melissa freaks out when it’s the end of a show and it’s time to play 185 – because what if she’s WRONG? but Super Mel! gets in trouble for not letting the other team’s players jump out first.

I know I’m not alone in this. That others have different aspects of self, as well. I think it’s normal, actually, that we adapt our personalities to whatever situation we happen to be in. The trick is in not letting the shy squeamish part rule. And I have been, for far too long.

And it stops.
Now.

Stolen from Dreamalynn @ LiveJournal. In this Meme, answers can be no more than ONE word long.

1. Where is your cell phone? Nightstand.
2. Describe your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/lover? Supportive.
3. Your hair? Dyed.
4. Your mother? Hurricane.
5. Your father? Non-existent.
6. Your favourite item? Laptop.
7. Your dream last night? Vivid.
8. Your favourite drink? Coffee.
9. Your dream car? MG.
10. The room you are in? Cluttered.
11. Your ex? Incarcerated.
12. Your fear? Waning.
13. What do you want to be in 10 years? Published.
14. Who did you hang out with last night? Troupe.
15. What you’re not? Tall.
16. The last thing you did? Snuggled.
17. What are you wearing? Pajamas.
18. Your favourite book? Changes.
19. The last thing you ate? Pasta.
20. Your mood? Creative.
21. Your friends? Talented.
22. What are you thinking about right now? Novella.
23. Your car?. Green.
24. What are you doing at the moment? Blogging.
25. Your summer? Approaching.
26. Your relationship status? Harmonious.

…outside our theatre, which saw us arrive to a chorus of tornado alarms, we sat around the green room taking phone calls from players who were going to be late (hail) or not able to make it at all (more hail, a tornado touchdown) – one of whom (tornado) lives very close to us.

At almost eight, we hadn’t warmed up, hadn’t figured out teams, and thought we weren’t having a show. But we had people who did show up, and even though they were a small bunch, they were loud and happy, and Rob said if they were willing to come out, we would give them a show.

So we did.

We played two-on-two with a DJ. TC and I were blue, Craig and Dedi were red. Evan DJ’d. We opened with Do-Rap (Blue won) – We played Forward and Reverse, Red played Changing Emotions & Styles. (Red won round one.) Red played Dinner at Joe’s. We played Blind Line, and won. We played Five Things (4/5 – TC guessed). Red played Dance Party for the catch-up round. Ref’s challenge was Story. We won. Eng-game was 185. Red won the match, but I’m really pleased with my performance tonight, even though I did forget to let a 2nd red player jump out in 185 (because they were behind). We skipped half time, and the last two games were called uber-fast. In addition, audience earned 6 brown bags (5 by one person). Taping his mouth didn’t help.

Went to Hoffbrau for dinner. Came home. Am too jazzed to watch tv, too tired to write anything good.

Cocoa, I think, is just the thing. And sleep.

Oh, and the house is fine.

Fun With Words: Word Oddities

Tonight while we were waiting for Rob to get suggestions in BlindLine, I was standing in the hall talking with Evan and Bob, and we wound up chatting about words that use all the vowels in order, and stuff like that. We all admitted to being A Word A Day subscribers, as well. How cool is that.

Looking for the answer to a question, I came across the above site, and had to blog about it. So. Now I have.
And on that note – BEDTIME FOR ME!

Powered by ScribeFire.

Appetizer
When you were a child, which crayon color was your favorite?
I liked the name “Magenta” and the color of green-blue. I always thought it was odd that green-blue was more blue, and blue-green was more green. Now, it makes sense.

Soup
On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 10 being highest), how likely would you be to change jobs if it required you to move?
Well, I work from home, so that isn’t at all a likely scenario. Fuzzy’s job keeps threatening to move us to Boca Raton, FL , though. Um…I wouldn’t refuse a job I really wanted because a change was part of the deal, though.

Salad
Take all the numbers in your birthday and your phone number and add them up, one by one. What’s the total?
1970 + 17 +9 +8 + 7 + 7 + 7 + 7 +6 + 4 + 2 +2 + 2 = 2050

Main Course
Have you ever “re-gifted” anything? If so, what was it and who did you pass it on to?
A bottle of wine, once or twice. But it was only re-gifting in the sense that we brought it to a party.

Dessert
Name something you need from the store.
2 each black and white long- or three-quarter-sleeve shirts.

[blenza_autolink ff]

…when you spend it on stage. I’d only done one all-star show with CSZ before tonight, and that one wasn’t really the same, as there were five of us, and we arranged who would play in which game. Tonight was a learning experience, but it was also fun, and there was a sense of camaraderie that isn’t quite as strong during a normal show. Also, I learned that being the only woman on stage can be a blast.

We played (in roughly this order): Story (with 2 volunteers), Interrogation, Blind Line (we had great suggestions), Changing Emotions and Styles, Audience SFX, Dinner at Joe’s, Five Things, and 185. I need to be more aggressive, louder, and work on setting things up, a lot. The audience loved the show, and I felt like I didn’t completely suck, even in 185 – especially in 185.

I know that there are other players who are better than I am, and more likely to be given shots at remotes and special shows, but I’m really glad I got to do this one.

It was a day of fighting through vicodin fog. Three cups of tea (earl grey, hot) didn’t help. Two mugs of coffee brewed on the extra strong setting didn’t help. A cheeseburger and fries scarfed down in the car on the way to downtown Dallas helped a bit.

Workshop made everything better. Oh, I wasn’t perfect, or anything, but I didn’t feel terrified, and I had fun, and did some stuff I’m proud of, and now even though I’m still hurty and groggy, I’m also jazzed and my brain is zooming.

Also, dulce de leche frappucinos? Totally taste like flan in a cup.
YUM.

We’d meant to go to church today, really, but it didn’t happen, as it hasn’t happened for various reasons, since January. I’m just…not feeling it. And Fuzzy doesn’t push, or say what he feels.

Skin still hurts, though now only in a couple places where the sunburn was on the border of being 2nd degree. Alas, one of those places is where most of my bras hits. Spent the day wrapped in soft cotton, and slathering myself with Aloe. Am peeling anyway. It happens, I guess.

Actually wrote something today. Go read it at Universal Blend. Leave comments, please.

Have been groggy and restless and cold, then hot, then cold again, all day. Chatted with my parents. They loved the party we paid for, and the gift, and the thought.

Fuzzy brought me wonderful chili rellenos for dinner. I love Mexican food.

I think I’m going to watch the end of Blood Ties and then turn out the light.