From my stepfather…
Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2- 6 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
As some of my friends know, I’m all about silly holidays like the random ones BlueMountain used to have in their list. Because, who DOESN’T want to celebrate International Hat Day, really?
This morning, someone on the ComedySportz forum had posted a link to Towel Day, an annual event commemorating the life and works of author Douglas Adams.
As The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy was one of the first non-Trek science fiction works that captured my attention (largely because my 12-year-old self responded to the cheerful irreverence of the book), I find it fitting to remember the guy who wrote it.
So, my towel is in my CSz bag, and yes, I will have it nearby all day.
So where’s YOUR towel today?
C’mon tell me.
All the hoopiest froods are doing it.
It shouldn’t be surprising that this toy was featured by Dave Barry last year. After all, he’s always been one to know about the edgy, the subversive, the just plain disturbing. (And I swear I’m not making that up.)
It also shouldn’t be surprising that I first heard of this toy, not from Mr. Barry’s column, but from my friend The Fabulous Klae, who is just as much in the know as any Miami humorist, and also makes amazing cappuccino. (He does Improv, is on the hot-button of the Funny, and makes espresso drinks. *Swoon*)
What is surprising is that I, who have never really been a doll person, since purging my house of Barbie dolls at the age of ten, and who really doesn’t need any more small cluttery items that might be tempting to chew-happy dogs, am intrigued by this doll. I think it could be an excellent stress reducer, for one thing. Or even a bizarre kind of weapon. (”But Mooooom, she shot a HEAD at me.”)
You can order the very fine Marie Antoinette Action Figure here.
Yours